NBA Style Alert: Hairology 101

Author’s Note: This post is dedicated to the memory of Ron Artest’s blond and purple ‘do. Thanks for the inspiration, Ron-Ron.

I’ve never had to wear a uniform to work. Since I live in Portland, Oregon, this shouldn’t be surprising — the fact that I manage to not wear hiking boots and convertible pants every day is remarkable. However, if I did have to wear a uniform, I am sure that in short order I would feel compelled to do something to make myself distinct from everyone else wearing the exact same outfit. Individualism is such an ingrained part of human nature that it’s something we embrace without even thinking about it. Because of that, I have a theory that when it comes down to it, professional athletes aren’t much different than the rest of us in wanting to ensure their marked individuality—they want to stand out from their colleagues and don’t want to be just another guy out on the court. While I doubt that many players would admit it, it’s undeniable. These efforts take many forms—tattoos, accessories, celebration rituals or simply being Chris Anderson — but hair is really the most accessible way guys in uniform can stand out in a sea of uniformed players.

For a while, the NBA as a collective got a bit conservative with hair (“conservative” being a relative term, of course), culminating in Allen Iverson shaving his long hair last year (which kind of made me sad at the time, to be honest). Fortunately, that phenomenon ran its natural course and we’re back to an era of freewheeling hair expressiveness.

Let’s take a look at the good, bad, ugly and unusual in this year’s NBA hairstyle trends.

The Kyle Korver

The hairstyle of choice for hip high school English teachers everywhere, I feel confident in saying that there’s a 99.9% of this being the only thing for which Kyle Korver will ever be named. Slightly skater-dude, but could in no way be interpreted as edgy, Kyle Korver has pioneered — hey, that’s probably another way Kyle Korver’s never before been described, “pioneer” — the side-swept, stick-straight, mop-top. There are many things annoying about Kyle Korver, but his hair has got to be number one. (An aside: I suspect that Kyle is also a spray tan aficionado.)

Also sporting The Korver this season:

Andrew Bogut has more or less sported this look since childhood, apparently, though he did go through an unfortunate phase in which he rocked The Lumberjack (see below) — with a rat-tail.

It kind of makes sense that Steve Nash would sport The Korver—he’s probably one of the very few (only?) NBA players with any skating credibility, so his ‘do is actually justifiable.

The Faux-Hawk

Faux-hawks and mohawks really took on a life of their own and became an all-out phenomenon a couple of seasons ago when everyone was experimenting with the faux-hawk variations. Best as I can figure, it seems like it started with Juan Carlos Navarro, spread across the Atlantic and took off like wildfire, first with the Europeans players and then the basketball playing masses. Greg Oden’s was kind of cool, in a Mr. T sort of way, but when Von Wafer started rocking the faux-hawk, this trend got scary.

You know it’s a style way past its prime if even Glen Davis ditched the look. You know it’s even worse if there appears to be little quality photographic evidence whatsoever of Big Baby’s former quasi-faux-hawk-landing-strip hair situation. But, I saw it with my own eyes and it was truly horrifying. If anyone should never, ever wear anything resembling at mohawk — faux or otherwise — it’s Glen Davis, his head is just too, well, “oversized.” (Editor’s Note: I just want to find reason to include this picture here.)

Unfortunately, no one mentioned any of this to Hedo Turkoglu.

The Lumberjack

(all image credits NBAE/Getty)

Quite possibly having the most longevity in the entire NBA, as well as the most practicality, the Lumberjack — you might call it a crew cut — is one of the least creative hairstyles on the court. It screams, “I want to be comfortable, but I don’t have the confidence to shave my head completely.” Guys, the Lumberjack has got to go — either grow it out or shave it off. I’m looking at you, Steve Blake, Manu Ginobili, Joel Pryzbilla, Spencer Hawes, et al. Just because it’s been around a long time, it doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. Good grief, Chia Pets, Flowbees and jorts have all had impressive staying power, too, but none of those things are actually okay. (I am told that this haircut is all the rage among New York hipsters — that would be reason #45 that no one in the NBA should sport the Lumberjack.)

However, I would advocate a Lumberjack for one player, and one player only: Luis Scola. I can’t be the only one who thinks that would be a hilarious transformation, right? Times like this, I wish I had mad Photoshop skills, just so I could approximate what that would look like—I’m sure it would be great for a laugh or twelve.

Editor’s Note: Sarah, your wish is my command!

Brandon Jennings, Hair Pioneer

(all photo credits NBAE/Getty)

NBA hair hasn’t been completely ridiculous this season. And we only have one young man to thank for bringing some much-needed hair innovation back to the league. That would be Bucks rookie Brandon Jennings.

Observers of prep basketball probably had an inkling of the dynamic nature of Jennings’ hair, and he certainly has delivered in the pros. His stand-out ‘dos have varied from the fan-selected “Gumby” to his current dyed mohawk to — my personal favorite — January’s Kid ‘n’ Play look, Jennings never disappoints, hair-wise. Frankly, as much as I’ve enjoyed watching the Bucks on the court as of late, I get just as excited when I see they’re making an appearance on NBATV because I look forward to seeing Jennings’ latest hair evolution.

In fact, I credit the kid for contributing to players getting a bit more experimental with their hair this year. Even Lebron’s letting his hair get a little wild this season; this seems somewhat out of character for the dude who so tightly controls his image. And it is not just Lebron— Danny Granger, Mickael Pietrus and Martell Webster are just a few examples of guys, to varying degrees, with newly voluminous hair this season. Take a look at any team and you’re likely to find a couple of guys who have let their hair get a little wild. While you could make lots of arguments about the origin of this phenomenon, I’m calling it the “Jennings Affect.”

Random Style Blips—Hair & Beyond

• Just as the Denver Nuggets deserve an entire post devoted to their over-accessorizing, the Utah Jazz certainly merit a 1,000-word analysis of their hair choices.
• There are worse things you could spend your time entertaining yourself with than the Google image search for “Ron Artest Hair.” Trust me, you won’t regret it.
• This is required reading on the various phases of Steve Nash’s hair and its correlation to his on-court performance is this phenomenal piece from Bright Side of the Sun.
• Dear Mickael Pietrus: Never cut your hair.



• There is a Facebook group devoted to the racing stripes Brandon Roy occasionally shaves into his hair. I find this deeply disturbing. (Almost as disturbing as the fact that I know a large number of the members of that group.)
• Luke Schenscher is cutting off his fabulously wild red, curly ponytail for charity. (Yes, I know Luke’s not in the NBA any more, but it’s a good cause and I, for one, miss the Luke Schenscher Era in Portland.)
• Remember when Manu’s hair looked like this?
• I can’t even think about Robin Lopez’ hair without becoming enraged. I never thought anyone could go wrong with a ‘fro until I laid eyes on The Funnier-Looking Lopez.
• Anyone else notice that the Nuggets’ power blue headbands are a shade off lately? They’re a bit more of a dusty blue than their usual ready-for-the-Playboy-mansion light blue. Textile geek that I am, I suspect that they got a bad dye lot.