Monta “Moped” Ellis of the Golden State Warriors raised some eyebrows last week when he declared himself the second-best player in the NBA, ahead of LeBron James (third) and behind only Kobe Bryant. Well, following Sunday afternoon’s game between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Sacramento Kings, Ellis has updated his list.
“Beno Udrih put up a triple double on LeBron. In my books, that means he is the more complete player. I give him a four-and-a-half moped rating. That puts him third in the NBA, behind only Kobe and myself. I’m more complete, but that Udrih guy, he’s gettin’ there. Next time Sacto play the Warriors, I’ll have my eye out for him.”
Of course, Ellis was referring to the 18 points, 15 assists and 10 rebounds that the Kings’ point guard put up in Tyreke Evans‘ absence. This trumped James’ 34 points, 8 assists and 7 rebounds. When asked whether the fact that the Cavs won the game diminished Udrih’s performance at all, Ellis was clear in his response. “Wins don’t mean nothing, baby. We’re here in the Bay Area putting up mad numbers. You think we care about wins? The Mississippi Bullet don’t need no wins to be number two.”
*The above was clearly a satire piece. If you didn’t pick that out by the time you got to “four-and-a-half moped rating” you really need to stick to legitimate news websites like The Onion.
