The Wollongong Hawks: A Cinderella Story

Editor’s Note: Here is another entertaining NBL piece from Haggard of Can’t Buy a Basket. You should be checking out their site on a regular basis as the NBL Grand Final series progresses.

There has been a lot of talk about Wollongong and their ‘Cinderella Story’ this year. A lot of the basketball nation would love to see this come true and see the Hawks crowned NBL Royalty this season (Bevo is sickened by that very idea). I must say I travelled to the ‘Gong a few months ago. My most vivid memory of that place is the fact that my baby girl (now 8 months old) ate sweet potato at a café there.

Though for this to work we need to look at the real world and see how their real life counterparts fit the stories plot.

The following roles will be played by:-

Cinderella: The Wollongong Hawks

The Prince: The NBL

Step Mother: Perth Wildcats

The Step Sisters: Townsville Crocs & Gold Coast Blaze

Fairy Godmother: The referees

Once there was a game called basketball who married a proud and haughty Perth Wildcat. The Wildcat had two other teams who were equally vain, one called Townsville Crocodiles, the other called Gold Coast Blaze. But the game itself, he had had a beautiful team of unparalleled goodness and sweet temper. The Wildcats and Crocs and Blaze forced that team to complete all the housework. When the team had done their work, they sat by a gong owned by a hawk, which caused them to be called “Wollongong Hawks”. The poor Hawks bore it patiently, but they dared not tell the game, who would have scolded them; the Wildcats controlled them entirely.

One day the NBL invited all the teams in the land to play ball (assuming they met the stringent financial requirements) so they could declare a champion. As the Crocs, Blaze and Wildcats were invited, they gleefully planned their tactics. The Hawks dreamed of going to the finals, and the other teams taunted them by saying they could never attend to play ball.

As Wildcats, Crocs and Blaze swept away to play ball, the Hawks cried in despair. Their Fairy God-referees magically appeared and vowed to assist the Hawks in attending the finals. Although they didn’t have much money, they turned a pumpkin into a coach, Rhys Martin into a NBL player, Gruber into the worst import in the league, and not much talent into a close knit team. They then turned Wollongong’s rags into a beautiful team, complete with a delicate import in Tywain McKee. The God-referees told the Hawks to enjoy the finals, but return before midnight for the spells would be broken.

Whilst playing ball, the entire court was entranced by Hawks, especially the NBL, who never left their side. Unrecognized by the other teams, The Hawks remembered to hang around and leave before midnight. Back home, Wollongong graciously thanked her God-referees. She then greeted the Crocs, Cats & Blaze who enthusiastically talked of nothing but the beautiful team that played ball.

When another game was held the next week, The Hawks again attended with the God-referee’s help. The NBL became even more entranced. However, this evening they lost track of time and left only at the final stroke of midnight, losing Tywain McKee to injury on the steps of the WIN EC in their haste. The NBL chased the Hawks, but outside the WIN EC, the guards had seen only a simple country team leave. The NBL vowed to find and crown as the champion that team to whom it belonged. Meanwhile, Hawks kept their dreams alive.

The NBL tried the title on all the teams in the league. When the NBL arrived at Wollongong’s villa, the Crocs, Blaze and Wildcats tried in vain. When the Hawks asked if they might try, the Crocs, Blaze & Wildcats taunted her. Naturally, the title fit perfectly, and the Wollongong Hawks were crowned champions. The Wildcats begged for forgiveness, and the Hawks forgave them for their cruelties.

The moral of the story is: Sweet Potato a perfectly healthy food to give a baby to snack on.

Check out Can’t Buy a Basket for more fairytale NBL action — but probably avoid it if the Perth Wildcats lose.

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